Unfortunately, when you move, to a whole new state, you give up certian things. In my instance, I gave up my primary care, along with my insurance. NICE.
Which puts me in the "don't go around getting sick" catagory of people in our raunchy health care system.
Lo & Behold, I need a pill refill.
I have no MD, no money to shell out for care at a family practice.
So, I turned to what options I had.
I called the health department. They rejected me. I was rejected by the Health Department. They couldn't see me for 6 long weeks.
BUT, all was not gone with the wind just yet, they referred me to the what I like to refer to as the "Last resort", Planned Parenthood.
I called.
FYI, if you need pills, at planned parenthood, you can just ask and receive, sans exam. Sans Needles.
I make an appointment, and show up.
First of all, I have never been inside of a planned parenthood in my entire life. I never held a negative feeling about the organization or a postive one for that matter. I just never had the need to patronize it.
But I was in a pinch, so I took myself over for my scheduled appointment yesterday.
I walk into the mini waiting room. It was like a sauna in there. Heat was a-blazing, yet it was in the upper 70's. I started sweating immediately. The television was sitting on a table beside a huge overflowing bowl of condoms(much like an oversized bowl of halloween candy) as Disney's Jungle Book was on blasting out the song "I wan'na be like you!"
Children were picking their noses, and wiping their treasures on the chairs.
The rude woman behind the counter belted out my name, and had me fill out a stack of papers, answering every question you can think of.
I waited to be called back, fanning myself with a copy of Cat Fancy. (the only magazing that wasn't women's health related.)
I finally make my way back to the exam room. The Nurse goes through her schpill and tells me that, sadly, they don't have my brand of pills in stock. BUT they will be happy to give me something similar.
She leaves, I'm left to wait in the dim lighted exam room, beside a 'life sized' uterus, displaying a Mirena.
I chew my lip.
I text my sister, asking her if I should ask for a prescription.
I shake my foot.
I tap the table.
Finally, the lady I refer to as "whisper woman" came in.
She literally whispered her entire conversation to me. She seemed programmed. Like she was just going through her routine schpill.
I was talking, but Whisper-bot wasn't listening. She told me the ways and hows that birth control works. I told her I understood. I'm not new to it.
She continued to talk.
I explained that I'm not really in the market of changing my pills. She said I may in fact, LIKE the 777's. I told her I'd perfer the 1/35s.
She said she will give me the 777's but I need to take them everyday at the same time. Whisper speaking to me like I am a moron, a walking talking moron who can't remember simple instructions and has trouble keeping it in her pants.
I told her I know how to take the pill, but could I have a script?
She continued her whisper talking about how important it is that I don't forget my pill, and if I take the 777s for a week, and just don't like them, give her a call and she'll write me a prescription!
I said "what about the risk of unwanted pregnancy?" (I said this because I assumed it would be a trigger word that would entice Whispers McGee, to pull out the prescription tablet and get to writing.
Skunked again!
She said "I wouldn't be too concerned. This pill is also estrogen based, however we do offer emergency birth control, as well as a proceedure."
I said "uhm..." I have no real fears of having children, as in, it's a long shot for it to happen, but I wanted to tell her I didn't WANT a proceedure. I wanted preventative measures, but apparently I'm too stupid to understand the whys and hows...
I stood at the paying window and thought very blandly "what a deal."
She came bareing a little brown bag with the pills 'securely' inside, much like a wine-o conceals his bottle.
She continues her 'whisper' talk and asked me "How many packs of 777's would you like to purchase today, Amber Dawn?" I looked at her with my head turned to the side, much like my puppy niece Chloe does when SHE can't understand why.
I said "Uhm, yeah..just the ONE."
The rude window lady took my card, swiped it and gave me the little brown bag of wrongness to me. I took a tootsie roll from the candy bowl that was strategically placed next to another oversized bowl of free condoms.
I sauntered out to my car. Chewing my lip, and quite frustrated.
After my experience at the joke of an organization, I took my absentee ballot over to the post office, and dropped it in.
After I vote, I always proudly proclaim it. "I voted!" much like my nephew used to boast about his flatuosity, when he was 5...and 8...and 12....
When I said it to the korean woman at the post office, she just looked at me blankly. So, I said trailing off a lil' "Absentee...."
She kept looking at me expressionly.
So I shrugged.
I made my way home, where Mike discussed with my mom via the telephone, the drama of WKRP. She loves bantering with him. Telling him to stay out of the rain, or he'd melt, he's so sweet (Insert eye roll here) my dad, more off the cuff, said "Naw, not melt, he'd float away." Which made Mike laugh and say "I like your dad."
We made a run for the border, then he had to go into work just for a lil' while, and he came home bearing news that we would be going to Georgia for 2wks while he goes to school! He said "Good news!! You are going to get to see your Mom!!!" As he turned down the bed for us. It made me smile and say "yay!"
This morning when I got to work, Dave gave me an eye opener about Planned Parenthood, and how it was born from the mind of a racist elitist named Margaret Sanger.
It makes perfect sense why they talk to women like they are morons at that orgainzation.
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