Last Friday Mike & I drove out to Columbia, it's a bout a 15 min. drive from us. Truly we just wanted something to do. We kinda made it our mission to buy junk for jeff. The cat had torn the feathers off of his feather ball-on-a-stick toy just five minutes after being home post adoption, and a mere 5 days after that, he tore the ball off of the ball-on-a-stick-toy.
Our mission was to go to Petco (Even though I prefer petsmart) to buy him another something-on-a-stick-toy.
Being in the area, we stopped by Target before going to the complex across the street where said Petco is located.
Once in Target, our first stop was at the DVD Corrals. Mike likes to look at the new releases. Specifically we were looking for the step brothers double dvd packet.
Along the Movie wall o' plenty I spotted, just for a mere $7.50 a double duty of movie eloquence. A double feature of cheesy american classics, if you will.
A sheer delight among those of us who enjoy watching terrible movies.
Saturday Night Fever and Staying Alive.
On the same disc. As if Life couldn't get any more perfect!
I held up the dvd to Mike and said in my best Tony Manero voice "I'm gonna strut!"
He looked at me and said "Oh, no. Please."
I gasped in faux shock and exclaimed "You haven't even SEEN these movies! They...are...Amercian...CLASSICS!"
I proceeded to shake the dvd side to side along with my singing "You can tell by the way I use my walk I'm a woman's man!"
I've been touting the tacky fascination I have with these horrible movies since I forced Mike to listen to the soundtrack. I danced (Finger point while kicking my legs to the side a la axl rose) in the kitchen while he made mac-n-chee for the Gnos. He shook his head at my antics and confessed he'd never seen Saturday Night Fever.
And here we were, in Target, double feature at a discounted price! How could I not sing him a tad of Stayin' Alive???
Mike laughed and said "I just don't think I can watch it. It's just...just...Disco!"
And before I could remind him that it's the sheer lameness of the movies that make them worth popping corn, and how hard did we laugh at Xanadu??
A man in a security gaurd uniform (Apparently Columbia MD target has security guards walkin' the beat..which I am sure is two notched below Mall Cop) chimes in.
Through his puffy lips he says "Don't knock it til you watch it. It's well, both movies are exceptional"
I stopped swaying the dvd, and looked at him. At first I thought he was joking. He's gotta be joking right? But I quickly determined that he is quite assuredly speaking from his heart.
I slid the dvd back in it's holder on the shelf. I say "That's what I keep telling him." I smile nicely.
Mike says to him "Yeah, but I"m just not that into disco." As we both try to walk away. The security guard wipes his nose with his sausage link finger and continues, "I tell you it's some of the best music out there! You still have hints of motown. And Pop, and Rock. Disco has it all. And all the hit rappers of today use Disco. So really you hear it all the time, and you don't even know it."
I bit my lip to keep from laughing. I squeezed Mike's hand as he tried to nicely tell him that he Like 70's rock, but that was about it. And again we tried to ease away from the Unkempt officer who took the oath of shoplifters will be prosecuted, and he seriously continued defending the awesomeness of the disco era. He said "We all knew that's where the hot babes were. The Discos. Monday through friday we were all rockers. Come friday we were all in the discos to get the hot babes."
I busied myself straighting a dvd, assured that I would break down into fits of laughter if I looked at his puffy face. I just had this image of this man on rollers skates or doin' the hustle to Bad Girls. It was almost too much.
He STILL kept talking. "Yep, that's were all the fine babes were."
Mike said "I bet." still trying to walk us away.
Then he said to me "If you want to see how the Disco life really was, you should watch Studio 543. It's real."
In an attempt to be kind to this disco inferno I said "We will have to check that out sometime."
He said "it shows 'em doin' coke. Like it really was."
I guess he saw Mike's doubtful look, or my perplexed glance at his security guard badge. I mean, what the...? Doesn't doin' coke go against his oath and pledge to uphold people to the law of you break it you buy it? and making sure no non payers get past the receipt checker?
He quickly backpeddled and said "But not me, no way. I didn't do coke. But I did SMOKE."
Mike said "Uhm...okay." . At this point Disco Man was holding the dvd that started the whole conversation.
He waggled it and said to Mike "I'm not joking, I wouldn't steer you wrong, man. It's a great movie. Hey, I still gotta keep my man card."
Mike said "Ok." as we walked away.
Once we were out of ear/eye shot Mike said "That man never hooked up with any woman. At all. Ever."
I said laughing "You're right. He probably goes home after walkin' the beat all day and tells his mom to leave him alone, and goes in his room shuts the door and puts the bee gees on VINYL and WISHES he'd really been to the discos."
I confessed that it had been hard not to laugh at the man who was trying to convince us of his coolness via disco.
Alas we did continue to the Pet department where we found Jeff a new toy on a string, and a fuzzy rat. I put the kitty bow tie on my wish list for next shoppin' trip.
I admit, as we left the store, I was humming "More than a woman"
No comments:
Post a Comment